Where has the time gone?

Jaxon is 1 month old now.  Where has the time gone?  He has changed so much.  He went from barely drinking an ounce to drinking 4 ounces in a month.  He is awake longer and more alert and he listens intently when I talk to him.  He warms my heart.  He gives my life purpose.  Most would think that taking maternity leave means no work, sleeping in, pajamas, dirty house, piled up laundry, etc.  Well, all I do is feed him, change him, but it is a joy, because for the last time (tears) I get to start off a precious angel's life.  When he cries, he knows his mommy will be there, when he is wet, he knows his mommy will change him, when he needs to be held, he knows his mommy will hold him.  When he needs to feel reassured, I will always be there for him.  Being a mommy is hard, but so so rewarding.  It is the most difficult job in the world.  As I watch him look around, sitting in his bouncy seat, I wonder what is going through his little mind.  I know he hears the noises of his brothers and sisters and his mommy and daddy talking to him.  I hope he feels safe and loved.  We sure feel blessed that God gave us another angel here on Earth. 

and then there were 5...

People say I am crazy....but you learn to cope.  Juggling is what I do best.  I love my children with all of my heart.  No it is not easy....They are spread apart in age, have totally different interests...but they are my joy, my leather-seated BMW, my trip to Italy, my diamonds, my yacht!  I don't need all of those things because I have what God entrusted to me and that I have given back to him, because they are HIS.  I get to raise them but truly my children are HIS.  I get to dwell in the memories, the milestones, the grief, the heartaches, the middle of the night feedings, everything about them because mommy's do that sort of thing regardless....mommies are there for everything.  I pray for them, that they will grow up and MODEL HIS PATH (they will certainly be well versed in it),  that one day they will find someone who will love them, pray for them, go to church with them and want to be with them because of who they are.

I love what I have.....I have prayed for what I have....Never do I take for granted what I have, because I know that in 5 minutes it could be gone...(lots of life lessons have proved that, past and present)  Storms in my life, yes. Do I worry, yes, trying to have more faith ( I know God is ON TIME and will make a way!)  Am I perfect, no way, but I AM FORGIVEN! 

Cherishing my life minute by minute!  

In HIS WAY!   JENN

Jaxon Lee Lofty 11/28/11

Well folks, I am a mommy of 5!  On Monday, November 28, 2011, Jason and I woke up the kids  at 4 AM and headed to my Mamaw's where we dropped off the four kiddos to hang out until baby Jaxon arrived.  They were so excited and I cried as we left them because I knew very soon how things were going to be so different with a new baby in the house.  We arrived at ParkRidge East ( BEST EXPERIENCE EVER) , while Jason parked the car, I checked in through the Emergency Room and got my papers and admission bracelet and we made our way to labor and delivery.  I was soooo nervous and I could tell he was too, then he took my hand.  I then felt safe and secure and I knew that I had my best friend right beside me, and that God was definitely with us.  We were greeted by the nurses, led to our room and got hooked up to the monitor and asked a dozen questions and before I knew it, the IV was started, I was given this yucky stuff to drink and anesthesia came in to discuss the spinal (can you say HEAVEN).  Then Dr. Brown came and made small talk.  They took me back and had Jason wait....

I remember the spinal not hurting at all, I remember laying down and letting the warmth overtake my body and being draped and remember seeing Jason walk in, in his surgical garb and thinking...Is this really it?  Jason held my hand and the doctors began the csection and at 7:53 AM Jaxon Lee entered this world and the docs asked Jason to stand and look at his boy, the only baby I could give him.   I told him to go to the baby, that I would be ok....It seemed like forever that the doctors kept working on me....I heard I can't get this bleeding stopped....and are you ok....from the anesthesiologist....they kept giving me medicines through my IV.  Jason and I got to see Jaxon for 1 minute before they whisked him off to the nursery because he was having trouble breathing.  I told Jason to go be with Jaxon, but he never left my side in the OR.

Then the words that I knew would change my outlook and make me so SAD.  We are ready to start the tubal ligation.  I had so many mixed feelings about this.  I know what God says about being fruitful and multiplying, but I also knew what my body had been through in the past 9 months.  I am truly am saddened that I can never carry another baby in my womb, it really breaks my heart.  But on the other hand, I do want to see the five children I have been blessed with, grow up, graduate, go to college, get married and have babies of their own.  I want to be here for them now, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.  In order to do that, I had to protect my life.

Jaxon Lee Lofty, a true miracle from God!  If I had never believed in God, this little angel would have opened my eyes for sure.  But I can say that if it weren't for my faith in God, I would have never made it through this year.

Around 9:45 I was wheeled to the recovery room, and was pressed on and monitored and finally got some ice chips.  SOOO hungry.  They even allowed visitors, more than they should because it was a light day there in the delivery area, I think there was me and 1 other mom.  Finally, after 3 of the longest hours of my life, I was wheeled to the nursery window to see my little guy.  I hadn't got to touch him or hold him....and I just cried as I touched the window.  Now I am really surprised by this time that I hadn't barfed due to all the meds I had been given.  They finally got me to a room, got me settled and guess what, instant exorcist projectile vomit.  It came out of nowhere.  They got me settled and finally brought me my baby.  I just sat and held him and cried (wow postpartum tears a plenty).

Day 2:  11/29/11   Jaxon's bilirubin levels were too high so he had to be placed under the bili lights and we made the decision to keep him in the room and place him in the nursery at night so he could get intensive treatment so hopefully Wednesday his levels would go down enough so we could take him home.

Day 3:  11/30/11  We were discharged around 12:30 PM, Jaxon's levels were very low and doctor felt confident to send him home.  Wow, a csection and a tubal....not a good idea to do both at the same time....PAINFUL!!!!  Missing our other babies, glad to be going home.


LOVING LIFE with our 4 guys and a girl!  Life is beautiful!