The night before JLL

As I sit thinking about all the gazillion things I need to do before I go to bed on this Sunday night, my mind is wondering to my place as a mother of 4 and wondering how in just over 12 hours all this will change.  We have had a full weekend of Thanksgiving festivities and some downtime but I have yet to process the fact that I will be a mother of five.  Some people say that I needed to stop at 2, then 3, then 4, and never have this 5th child, but who is to say that God didn't have my life planned out from the day my mother delivered me.  In fact,  I know that he did, because my Christian foundation and faith has remained firm that God's plan is the only plan that I follow.  He will see this family through and even though I may worry and have doubts and fears, I can bank on my God!  He will be ON TIME!

I just want to thank those who have encouraged and supported me through this long road of starting over, getting remarried, and having yet another miracle in my life.  It has not been easy but yet, God is still providing.  Tomorrow will yet mark another wonderful milestone in my life. a first for my new husband in which I get to share with him, a new daddy.  He loves my children as his own and if you have seen his interaction with them, it is so evident, but there is something about holding your own for the first time. 

While most of you are sleeping, I will be awake anticipating what will happen tomorrow and all the new memories that will be made.  I love being a mommy.  It is all that I have ever wanted to be.  4 AM will come so early but I am so excited to continue this journey with my children and my husband and my new son.  I will post pictures as soon as I can. 

Jenn

Thankful

As November has started, I have tried to list on facebook once a day, something I am thankful for.

See list....very proud of my list......

Day 1: Thankful for my salvation, without God I am nothing.
Day 2: I am thankful for my sweet, precious children and husband who love me unconditionally despite my worries, fears, faults, and constant failures. 
Day 3: Thankful for Jason's family and my own family today. 
Day 4: Thankful for my friends... 
Day 5: Thankful for a career that I love that helps me provide for my family! 
Day 6: I am thankful for a warm house, a reliable SUV, and a filled pantry of food that God has provided for me and my family. 
Day 7: Thankful for my American freedom. 
Day 8: Just have to go ahead tonight and post for tomorrow how thankful I am to have a FATHER who cares. HE reminds me on a daily basis by allowing me to wake up, feel my baby kick, hearing my children laugh and pray at the breakfast table, hearing my husband genuinely say "I love you" that HE is all around me. Even when I doubt, even when I am discouraged, even when I am scared and feel alone, HE is there. 
Day 9: Today I am thankful for the struggles of life. I have not always made the best choices, but every one of them has made me who I am and for that I am proud.


I have been fine listing my thankfuls but then comes Day 10 and I just feel stuck.  I am very defeated about this pregnancy and my health related issues.  It's not that I want my baby to be born early and in the NICU, God know that I don't, I just want answers.  Is that too much to ask for?  I know that I have many blessings.  I have made it this far, Jaxon seems to be ok, his fluid is low, his weight gain has slowed too which has not been discussed with me on the next steps since the amniocentesis didn't return desired results. I will be 36 weeks this Sunday, November 13, 2011.  I guess I will be thankful when this is all over, when my blood pressure and headaches are more controlled,  when I know more about what the aneurysm will mean to the rest of my life, and hopefully when I can exercise and feel more in control of my body and when I can just plain feel like a human again.  That's it, I am just thankful that normal is hopefully around the corner and my baby will hopefully be in my arms soon, Lord willing and the creek don't rise.  Optimism is harder to grasp on this side of the fence.

Jenn